Ghosting: The haunting side of dating
Dating is great. It's fun, exhilarating and a great way to widen your social circles. For me, coming out of a long term relationship and entering the scary realms of the dating world is anxiety-inducing.
You get passed the initial stage of 'I'm never going to find anyone else again' to slowly beginning to rebuild your self confidence and get back into the dating game.
However as I enter into the dating world again, I know it's more likely that I'll meet a ghost, rather than my next partner in crime.
If you've never experienced Ghosting, then you are one lucky soul. Ghosting is the act of ceasing all contact with a romantic interest, leaving no explanation to the dumpee as to why the relationship will not be continuing.
Whether it's a few dates, or a year of dating (yes.. a year!), people in the current dating generation use the act of ghosting to disappear under the radar, leaving the dumpee in a sense of limbo.
The irony of all this is that ghosts are meant to pop up and haunt you, particularly when you least expect it. But in this case, the person disappears off the face of the earth leaving you wishing that Caspar the friendly ghost really did exist.
I've heard too many ghosting stories from my friends in recent years.
When did this suddenly become a thing? Am I late to the ghosting party?
A few weeks ago I was out with some girlfriends and my friend was explaining how the man she had been dating for 3 months ended things over a drink in the very pub we were sitting in. Whilst we were all compassionate, my straight-to-the-point friend said "I can't believe he ended things in person, that's so nice!"
But this, my friends, is exactly my problem with ghosting. Giving your significant other an explanation as to why you want things to end is not nice, and will never be a nice thing. But giving them an explanation, whether in person or over technology, is common courtesy and respectful.
Instead, ghostees are left with a confused feeling of sadness and rejection, constantly checking our phones and wondering what we did wrong...and if they dare ask for an explanation we are branded as 'crazy' and 'needy'.
If you spend quality time getting to know someone whether it's after 3 dates or 5 months, then you can put in the effort to send a few lines of text to explain why it's not going to work out, surely. It's never going to be fun to write this kind of message, nor receive it, but it's better than the ghosting alternative.
So in conclusion to all this, ghosting sucks and I really don't understand why this unkind phenomenon has taken such centre stage in the dating scene. It's unkind and disrespectful, and most importantly, it's hurtful.
So if you are a serial ghoster, have a think about the consequences of not writing that two line text... and if you're a ghostee, remember that you are so much better than someone who can't find it in themselves to text and shit at the same time.
Written by Imogen