No matter how old you are, how long you’ve been with your ex, how many times you’ve been through it before, break-ups are always a tough time to go through. We all know the feeling, the loss and grief that seems to overwhelm us. Lack of appetite and wondering where it all went wrong. Here are five tips that helped me get through it all not a long time ago. 

Tip #1: Surround yourself with positive thoughts

Just after a breakup whether you or your partner took the initiative, you feel washed out, mentally and physically. Whatever was wrong in the relationship, you had invested yourself in it and when you break up, you feel empty as if a part of yourself was gone.

Negative thoughts are rushing to your mind like “I am not strong enough to bear this”, “I am the worst girlfriend”, “I’ll be alone for the rest of my life” etc… Don’t let you be put out by these thoughts. What helped me the most was writing positive thoughts on post-its and putting them everywhere round your house: your mirror, your desk, your night table.

You can write things like: “You took the right decision”, “Hang in there”, “You are smart, beautiful, and funny”, “You did nothing wrong” etc… When you feel down, read them out loud and remind yourself of it: you’re stronger than you think. 

I would also suggest listening to music that makes you feel good and strong. When I broke up, I made a playlist with a lot of electro music and with also the song “Unstoppable” by Sia, it helped me feel more powerful (and stop crying every 5 minutes).

Tip #2: Don’t send emotional texts or emails to your ex

Love is like a drug and after a breakup you’ll go through withdrawal crises. During these withdrawal crises, you’ll probably do something that you’ll regret later either calling your ex with anger, or crying, or texting how much you miss being together. Don’t do it! 

Read what you wrote on the post-its and stick to it. Take a big breath, shake yourself, get outside (even if it’s raining), do something else (cooking, baking, cleaning whatever that keeps your mind occupied). 

If that can help you, write a letter to your ex to let out all the anger or whatever feelings you have. It is actually important to write down what went wrong and find the important values that were not met with. BUT DON’T SEND THIS LETTER TO YOUR EX. Not when you’re in such an emotional state anyway. Maybe later on if you still need it but give it time.

And of course, don’t check your ex’s social media. It will only hurt you more.

Tip #3: Discover yourself

Do things that are important to you and you couldn’t do when you were in that relationship. Studies show that rediscovery activities improve your mental health and accelerate coping with the breakup. Start a new hobby for example, something you wouldn’t have done if you had stayed with your ex. Or a life-long dream that was never fulfilled.

Sport activities are also very important. When you go through a breakup, your levels of hormones responsible for feeling happy (dopamine and serotonin) drop suddenly, hence the withdrawal crises. The good news is that doing physical activities releases the same hormones. So, go for a run or to the gym or workout from home and get sweaty.

Tip #4: Connect or reconnect with people

When you break up, it’s not only your ex you don’t spend time with anymore but also with his family, his friends and if you were close to them the feeling of loneliness will be intensified. So, it is really important to rebuild your social life.

Reconnect with long-forgotten friends and/or find new friends. There are now apps to meet friends. I recently got on Bumble bff and went on a few walks with girls living in my area. I highly recommend it.

And of course, you can meet lovely ladies by joining the City Girl Network. Check out if the city you live in or close by has a group and become a member.

Tip #5: Be kind to yourself. 

It’s normal to be sad, to cry, not to be able to get out of bed, to feel numb. Going through a breakup is an emotional roller coaster. There are days you won’t be able to go outside or talk. And that’s ok! As long as you don’t let it be your new routine. 

And don’t forget that at the end of the day, something good will come out of it. You’ll grow stronger. You’ll also discover things about yourself that you didn’t know, and it will help your future self and your next relationship.

Don’t forget that you’re not alone in this and if you need some support the City Girl Network is full of friendly ladies that you can talk to.

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Written By Elise Van Meerssche

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