I can’t be the only one that feels more introverted now than I’ve ever felt before. As we surpass the one-year-of-COVID mark, I have been reflecting on all of the fun things I used to get up to! Like many, I’m a lover of social events, meeting new people, and just having a general chin-wag!

However, after three consecutive lockdowns, my social and conversational skills have taken a hit. Sure, we have still been able to make phone calls and engage in Zoom conversations, but realistically, this takes place in the comfort of our own home, usually with people we already know, and leaving the conversation is achieved by the click of a button.

If, like me, you feel slightly daunted by normality peeping over the horizon, here’s three tips to get your conversational juices flowing again!

  1.   Don’t shy away from small talk and silence

I know, the two dreaded S’s…small talk and silence. At first glance, you might think this is an easy way to kill a conversation. However, these are also useful conversational tools so hold-off on the resentment!

Firstly, silence is not always a bad sign. It may feel uncomfortable but it is entirely natural. The use of silence can have a variety of effects, for example:

• It provides emphasis to any statement

• It can show thought and active listening

• It can give time to recover from a funny moment

• It can show comfort in one another’s presence

Similarly, small talk can be very valuable. A lot can be learnt from another person based on their perception of the weather, their desperation for a cup of coffee in the morning, or, a recent addition to the small-talk directory, how excited they are for June 21st. Remember, just because a conversation begins with small talk, does not mean it has to end on it.

2.   Finding Common Ground

Regardless as to who you’re talking to, you will ALWAYS have something in common with them. If you’re starting a conversation with someone you’ve just met, your common ground will often be derived from the environment in which you meet. Here’s some examples:

•  If you’ve just met someone at the bus stop, you’re both travelling somewhere, perhaps even to the same place.

•  If you’ve bumped into someone at a coffee shop, maybe you’re ordering a similar drink!

• If you’re striking up a conversation at a work function, you either both work in the same place or know somebody who does.

Sometimes, your common ground will be quite niche, making it harder to find. Don’t panic. Refer to tip #1 and use a bit of small talk to ease into the conversation. The common ground you find as a result of small talk will lead into deeper notions of commonality. This is where the conversation becomes valuable and, most importantly, enjoyable.

3.     Express and Expect Interest

We’ve all been in situations whereby it is blindingly obvious that the person we’re talking to is not interested in the conversation. It is not an enjoyable experience and neither participant gains anything. To avoid this, always express a level of interest in the conversation or in the person you’re speaking to. This can be incorporated in two ways.

First, use physical techniques. It is easily achieved by opening up your body language, giving off a welcoming aura, adapting your facial expressions, or nodding. The second method relates to the content of the conversation. Reacting with questions, sympathy, empathy, or anecdotes will deepen the conversation and demonstrate your interest.

An expression of interest can also be used as a route into a conversation. For example, you can compliment another’s outfit, inquire into the book they’re reading, or ask for their opinion on a matter. The possibilities are endless!

In relation to expecting interest in return, we are, naturally, creatures of habit and we mirror the actions of others. Therefore, if you’ve followed the steps set out above to express your own interest, then you are likely to have received it in return.

Although this post has aimed to provide a simple insight into relearning the ‘art of conversation’, it is important to remember the unprecedented experience we’ve all been through. There’s no shame in needing to brush up on these skills, or simply taking it slowly if you don’t feel ready to engage in conversations just yet. Everyone moves at their own pace.

Written by Chelsea Peel
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