Talking about our bodies and sexual health is awkward. We like to sweep things under the carpet and hope that no one ever lifts a corner to reveal what’s underneath. It can feel frustrating, isolating and embarrassing but it doesn’t have to be. 

There are people in the same boat on the same journey. This particular journey is all about living with vaginismus. Vaginismus is the technical term for the involuntary tightening of your vaginal muscles whenever penetration is attempted, making it painful or impossible to have intercourse or even put in a tampon. 

According to Vaginismus.com, it’s thought to affect every 2 in 1000 people but the actual amount is likely to be higher due to women feeling too embarrassed to come forward and seek help. The condition has no apparent cause and can occur at any age although common triggers can include stress, anxiety, traumatic events and childhood experiences. 

Vaginismus can appear at any stage in life, from teens anticipating their first sexual experience to those much older also with a wealth of experience. It can also vary among women; whilst some women might be able to use tampons but cannot insert a penis or similar phallic objects without pain, others might not be able to insert anything at all. 

HOW CAN I FIND HELP AND GUIDANCE FOR VAGINISMUS?

Vaginismus is curable although it may take some time. It is a process and there are many different ways to go about it. The first would be to see your GP. Your GP will ask about your symptoms and then to examine your vagina - this is usually a quick procedure and is only to rule out any other possible conditions, like infection. From there, your GP may refer you to a specialist. 

Psychosexual therapy is all about understanding your body and managing its feelings towards penetration. Your therapist will ask you several questions about how the condition started and your symptoms, as well as questions about your lifestyle, relationships and work-related stress. 

With this insight, your therapist will help you to come up with an action plan going forward and may require you to attend further sessions if needed.

Dilators or vaginal trainers are tampon-shaped objects that come in various sizes. They’re designed to help you gradually get used to having something inserted into your vagina, with the help of lots of lubricant. When you are ready and comfortable with the smallest one, you’ll start to use the next size up and continue this until you’re ready for the real deal.

Pelvic floor exercises are another way of regaining control of your vaginal muscles. They use the same muscles that stop your stream of urine when on the toilet. There are different techniques such as squeezing your muscles and holding for 3 seconds and fast paced squeezing and releasing. They can be done anywhere as they’re discrete. Exercises should be completed several times a day. 

Like the City Girl Network for women new to cities, there are similar communities for those with vaginismus. The Vaginismus Network was set up in 2016 by three women linked together by the condition. Their mission is to raise awareness of vaginismus and provide support and unbiased information on symptoms and treatments. 

Their blog features many contributors' own stories about living with vaginismus and are so inspiring to read that they have given me the courage to tell my story. 

LIVING WITH VAGINISMUS

Living with vaginismus has been difficult. It’s been about 2 years since it started and only a year since I did some research and discovered what vaginismus is. I don’t know what caused it which is probably the most frustrating thing. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and sex has always been fun and painless.Then all of a sudden my vagina decided to close its gates and wasn’t letting anything in.

It wasn’t necessarily pain that I felt down there, more of an uncomfortable pressure that gradually got worse over the course of a year until any kind of penetration was impossible. Not being able to have sex wasn’t an issue at first but every time we tried and failed, I got more upset and anxious which probably made it worse.

I felt broken, I was ashamed that I wasn’t working functionally anymore. The fear eventually put me off doing any sexual activity altogether. 

I eventually plucked up the courage to see my GP who gave me a vaginal examination. I hadn’t long had my smear test so knew what to expect and was ready to feel uncomfortable. Thankfully everything looked normal and didn't hurt as much as I was expecting. She then referred me to a psychosexual therapist. I had one appointment with her before Covid-19 hit and since have had a session over the phone. 

My therapist has been really helpful in helping me understand my body and how to gradually regain control of my vaginal muscles. She told me to always keep my boyfriend in the loop of how my body is feeling and that there’s a lot more to sex than just penetration. I’ve been doing pelvic floor exercises daily and bought some dilators but so far there hasn’t been much progress in terms of penetration, but it’ll come in time.

The road to recovery is a slow and steady process. There’s no quick fix for vaginismus and whilst that can be annoying and tiresome, you are not alone. There are lots of websites full of useful information as well as inspiring forums, blogs and Instagram accounts from women all experiencing and dealing with vaginismus in their own way. 

Check out Hope and Her and Vaginismus.com for further information and find your local sexual health clinic to take that first step. 

Written by Megan Brammall