Love in the Time of Coronavirus
Being locked in with the love of your life may at first seem like a perfect opportunity straight out of the romcoms. It’s no work, all play - movie date nights every night, sex five times a day...what could possibly go wrong?
Well, everything. Perhaps for a day or two, it was exciting. You curled up with your other half to video game together, or maybe you taught them how to cook a new meal and it was exciting to whirl around the kitchen exchanging kisses with no responsibilities.
And sure, you’ve heard about the rising divorce rates following the quarantine - but you have nothing to worry about. You’re on cloud nine.
But for some reason you’re arguing a lot more, taking snipes at each other out of boredom as the resentment towards the situation begins to kick in. You want to just be away from each other.
Here are five problems that might be arising in your relationship during COVID-19 - and how to get things back on track.
YOU’RE LEARNING HOW YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER DEALS WITH STRESS - AND YOU DON’T LIKE IT
It’s very tough adapting to a new way of life, but you might find one of you seems to be handling it better than the other. If you’re that person, you’ll quickly begin to feel like your partner is turning your carefree honeymoon into a living hell.
They’re moping around, snapping, pushing you away a lot more all of a sudden. You feel like a burden to them, like they don’t want you around. This is a side of them that you have never known before. And you are beginning to hate them for it, because you just want to make the best of a bad situation.
Or if you seem to be the person who is struggling the most, then you’re more likely to find yourself irritated with your partner without even knowing why. Having someone all over you can be grating when you just want to be alone. But you can’t be alone.
You snap out and regret it, but you can feel that your partner is beginning to resent you and this makes you even angrier. You can’t remember what you’ve argued about but it is beginning to feel like your relationship is crumbling away.
Learning how your partner deals with stress can be eye-opening, but even if you disagree with their reactions, it does not have to be a dealbreaker. You’ll be picking up on their warning signs a lot more, which will be valuable later on when this is all over.
You might even be learning how best to soothe them. Do they need a cup of tea and some peace and quiet, or is affection the best way to calm them down? Perhaps if you leave them be as soon as you can sense their bad mood, then they will calm down quicker and an argument is prevented.
After a few rough weeks of bad moods and temper tantrums, you should notice that you are beginning to understand each other better. It could even be a blessing, because when you notice patterns in their behaviour when they are stressed, you are less likely to take it personally when they snap at you in future.
DIFFERENCES IN SEX DRIVES ARE BEING HIGHLIGHTED
Now that you’re together all the time with nothing to break up your day, one of you may be more keen to constantly be between the sheets. And if the other person isn’t responding with the lust that you had hoped for, it might make you feel anxious.
It is important to remember that your partner may actually be trying to protect the intimacy. With days feeling longer and blending together, they don’t want your fun times to become mundane and routine. Or maybe they are finding the lockdown period difficult.
If you are still concerned, there is no quick fix for any differences in libido. But communication and consent is key now more than ever.
IT IS TOO EASY TO HOLD A GRUDGE
With nothing to distract you after an argument, it is becoming easier to hold a grudge. If you bicker before work, by the time you’ve come home a silly squabble is a distant memory, right? But when you’re sitting at home twiddling your thumbs, it is easy to stew and let resentment build up.
It is important, therefore, to try your best to keep the romance alive. Being home does not mean that you can stop making an effort. By constantly reminding your partner why they fell in love with you, you are endearing yourself to them - meaning they are less likely to use any lover’s tiffs as reasons to dislike you.
Especially if your partner has a quality time love language, it is critical to continue to have little date nights - and maybe get drunk together if you don’t do this often to make a grey day more exciting. And why not try leaving them sweet little notes in the bathroom mirror, or buying them a small treat on your next shopping trip?
With your days together staling, bring the quality back to your time spent together. It is important to give each other as much space as you can, which might seem counterintuitive but your partner will love you for it.
WERE THEY ALWAYS THIS ANNOYING?
You’ve never quite realised how messy they are, or if they’re working from home, perhaps their ‘work persona’ is beginning to grate on you. You’re always doing the washing up, or they don’t always listen when you’re talking to them. You never noticed it before, but they are the most tiresome person you have ever met!
Your partner has developed about ten new bad habits that you hadn’t realised they had, and sniping at each other over this might just lead to you drinking vodka in the bathtub not knowing who was in the wrong.
Every day when you wake up next to them, remind yourself of three adorable little quirks of theirs, or the traits you admire most. And make sure to tell them, too - by complimenting them, they will not feel taken for granted or underappreciated and they will take to your minor criticisms a lot better.
HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN THIS SENSITIVE?
When your relationship is the only thing you have to focus on, you can become far too dependent on its success. This actually puts both of you under a lot of new pressure. A tiny catfight can leave you blubbing and you are more likely to overreact if your partner does not respond to you the way you had hoped.
It is important for both of your sanities to loosen the pressure you are putting on each other to be the perfect partner - do this by being as productive and busy as you can. Maintain your friendships, learn something new, finish that novel, go on a mini bakeathon.
By having other things going for you, your relationship will stop being everything to you in this time and instead will be a healthy complement to a well-rounded lifestyle.