For a lot of people, Christmas is a time that forever conjures images of happy, smiling families gathered round a table or tree, exchanging gifts and enjoying quality time together. 

However, notwithstanding the fact that 2020 has been an unprecedented year globally, bringing a unique and unheard of set of challenges for every single one of us, a 2019 YouGov study actually revealed that over a quarter of Brits feel Christmas has harmed their mental health in some way.

For me, Christmas hasn’t always been perfect. Having had long-standing mental health struggles, and spending Christmas 2008 under the care of the Crisis team, as well as having estranged and deceased loved ones, it can be a time of mixed feelings. However my utter love of the festive season is (usually) enough to pull me through it relatively happy and unscathed.

But I suspect I am not the only one feeling hesitant about it this year. For me, apart from navigating my first Christmas post end of marriage, the coronavirus pandemic seems to have left no person unaffected when it comes to loss, illness, job and education insecurity, social anxiety and financial pressure.

Given what a year it’s been, many may be feeling extra pressure to make this holiday season the ‘best ever,’ or give our families that ‘extra special’ experience, but it’s important that, in doing so, we don’t disregard our own needs and requirements. Here’s some recommendations on how to look after yourself and not let the season of giving leave you feeling exhausted. 

It’s OK to see people

The flurry of Whatsapp messages that accompanied the governments ‘Christmas Bubble’ announcements was a testament to how hard this year has been on families of all shapes and sizes, and our need for that connection to our nearest and dearest. 

Everybody is going to have their own unique setup and opinion on this, but don’t let your co-worker or neighbours nonchalant approach colour your own. Stick to the government guidelines, maintain safe practices, and be prepared to adapt your plans if the guidance or health of loved ones changes. If you’re doing all that, then you should, in theory, be OK.

It’s OK to not

That being said, it’s totally fine if you don’t yet feel comfortable mixing with other households outside your own. The people that truly love and care for you should respect your decision, whatever the reasons, pandemic or not, and support you regardless. It’s totally acceptable to send your love, and arrange to meet up when you’re feeling a little more robust. 

It’s OK to go all out

You may feel like, if the year has dealt you and your nearest and dearest some blows, that a full out festive celebration is just what’s needed. So if your way of getting through is by playing Christmas tunes from dawn till dusk, and hanging tinsel from every surface, that is totally and utterly acceptable. 

Just remember to respect that not everyone may share your energy and passion, and make space for those people in whatever way they feel comfortable with. 

It’s OK to say No to Consumerism

The organisation National Debt Advice states that over a third of Brits now borrow money to pay for Christmas gifts. This year, more than ever, it’s important that we don’t get out of our depth with gift giving. Personal finances, plastic pollution and the surge of cheap, unethical, mass produced items are all incentives to cut back on the capitalist element to the holiday season.

Whether that means secret Santa’s instead of everyone getting a gift, shopping small and local, or trying your hand at DIY gifting, the internet has lots of ideas on how to give more intentionally this Christmas. 

But what about receiving? This can be difficult to explain to loved ones without appearing scrooge-ish or ungrateful, but try to focus on the things you are happy to receive, but that won’t compromise your lifestyle. Home baked goods, experience vouchers or subscriptions to your favourite podcast or magazine are all top of my list this year.

It’s OK to take a step back

Whether that’s declining Christmas Zoom quizzes, unplugging from social media, or taking yourself off for some solitary nature time (my favourite way to recharge), there is no harm in making time for yourself or even totally sitting out the celebrations for this year if that’s what you feel is needed. Don’t feel pressure to take part just because everybody else is.

It’s OK to change your traditions

There can be a lot of pressure, particularly on child-free adults, to oblige well-meaning parents who assume you have nowhere else to be, or who gasp and proclaim ‘but we ALWAYS go to aunty Cathy’s for Christmas lunch.’ 

But here’s a little secret...Just because somethings always been done in a certain way, it isn’t set in stone. It’s never too late to make a new tradition. Want to eat cold pizza for Christmas lunch? Go for it! Want to spend the day in your pants with only the cat for company? Knock yourself out! You shouldn’t have to explain your reasoning - the fact that you want to should be reason enough.

It’s OK to reach out for help

Whilst some NHS services may not be as readily available over Christmas, there are a number of fantastic organisations that can still offer a lifeline if you need them. Samaritans is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, Mind have a host of online resources, as well as a signposting helpline, and your local Crisis line or 999 is also always on hand. 

Alternatively, reaching out to family or friends can also offer a much needed boost.

Essentially, however you decide to celebrate (or not) this year, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, and not because of any family or societal pressure. And if you find that the way you do things in the end doesn’t fulfil you, fret not! There’s always next year!

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Written by Fiona Moon

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