I’m not sure when I first became conscious of the size of my body, but I have spent years of my life obsessed with shrinking, toning, and flattening my stomach.

When, several years ago, I saw an Instagram post claiming that the reason women and other people with wombs had larger and more rounded stomachs was due to the placement of their wombs, I felt myself release a breath I felt I had been holding for most of my life. I no longer needed to motivate myself to do one hundred sit ups before leaving the house and could allow my body to exist as it was.

Because now I had an excuse. Before this post, I had only allowed myself a break from these intense core exercise regimes when I was bloated on my period or unwell, because those were other “legitimate” excuses. But in recent times, I have begun to question why I needed these excuses at all. Why did I feel the need to apologise and explain away the shape of my body?

 Body positivity has become incredibly mainstream in recent years. This has led many people to take over the term “body positivity” and change it into one where everyone celebrates the way their body looks, even if it is one that is not marginalised by society. You will no doubt have seen countless photos of women with bodies considered to be the societal ideal with the caption “My body looks like this…but also like this”.

While it is important to show how posed and airbrushed photos on Instagram can be, these kinds of posts are a double-edged sword. The women who began the body positivity movement weren’t trying to show that they also looked a certain way when they sat in a particular position. They were celebrating the way their bodies looked all the time. They were women whose bodies were marginalised no matter the way they posed or sat.

So, when I began to question these posts about why many women’s lower stomachs were often fuller and more rounded, I began to question why I felt the need to defend my body. While having this “excuse” made me feel better about my body, it did so in the wrong way. Because there are many reasons why my stomach is often bigger and more rounded. Sometimes it’s because of my period, sometimes it’s because of bloating, and sometimes (read: most of the time), it’s because my stomach has fat on it.

Even writing those words makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Why is that not a legitimate “reason” or “excuse” for the way my body looks? I know that I have more work to do in order to reach a feeling of neutrality toward my body. I know that it can do amazing things and I know that I should celebrate these things, but I still cannot shake the need to legitimise and make excuses for the way it looks. 

But the real question isn’t why does my body look this way? Or why does my stomach look bigger than it did last week? The question I often ask myself is who am I making these excuses to? Strangers on the street? My friends and family? It can’t be those because I know that they do not care how large my stomach is.

I have realised that what I am doing is apologising and making excuses to that small voice in my head telling me that I have to look a certain way. The one that has absorbed all of the advertising, Instagram photos, and insidious messaging that women receive throughout their lives which tells them that without a “perfectly” smooth and toned stomach, they are unworthy.​

So, I am asking you now: every time you feel the need to make an excuse for the shape of your body, question who you are making those excuses to. Stop sucking your stomach in, stop wearing looser clothing, and stop listening to pseudo-science on Instagram. Instead, put on some clothes that fit your body and just let your body be. 

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Written by Georgia Winstone