Single and in your 30s? Tired of hearing people say that you need to get on with it before you are left on the shelf? Telling you that you need to hurry up if you want a family? Or that you are being picky and there must be something wrong with you? 

Me too. But as a happily single girl, four years strong, I am going to tell you the good, the bad and the ugly of online dating in your 30s. After all, there is a lot to be said for online dating in your 30s, rather than in your 20s.

 The Good of Online Dating in your 30s

By the time you reach your 30s, most women have a clear sense of what they want in life, professionally, personally and romantically. It is now more than ever a great time to be selfish. 

As bad as that sounds, you know what you want and what you are not prepared to accept. Do you want someone who is the centre of your universe? Probably not. Or would you like someone to enhance the brilliant life you already have? Perhaps a little more likely. 

At this point, you have probably worked out what you are looking for from online dating. Maybe you are happily single, perhaps you are looking for a long-term partner, marriage, kids, a dog, the whole shabang. 

On the other hand, it could be that you are looking for something more casual, someone to talk to or something else altogether! Whatever it is, you are going to put yourself first, in a way that you might not have in your twenties.  

Have you been offered a promotion at work? It is your dream job. Guess what? You don’t have to consider before saying yes at the top of your lungs! It is a big commitment time and energy-wise might involve some travel and perhaps in time relocating. You can go after the life that you want, without having the constraints of considering someone else in your plans. 

Do you know what is even better? There are plenty more fish in the sea and online dating is available wherever you go.

Sometimes it might be that all you want to do is spend time with your friends. Whether it be a girly night drinking over Zoom, an online quiz, or in the past a night out dancing, you can be the master of your own destiny. 

It might be that in a relationship, you have to make a choice because your partner wants you to spend time with their family. With online dating, you can just postpone meeting someone if it doesn’t suit. You get the freedom and joy of doing what you want to do and when you want to do it.

The Bad of Online Dating in your 30s

Just because you are now in your thirties, or soon approaching it, doesn’t mean that others who are online dating have the same ideas as you. Perhaps you are looking for love and to settle down. It can be quite difficult to find someone genuine. This is unfortunately something that doesn’t change in your thirties.

Recently, a friend told me about someone she met online. She is a big fan of hiking and the person she was talking to agreed that they would climb up some mountains with her and said that they loved hiking. When she asked where they had hiked before, the response was, well I haven’t ever hiked before but I am sure I would love it.

The question is why was he saying he loved hiking if he had never hiked before? Was it to appease her or was there an ulterior motive? Shortly afterwards, she stopped talking to him, so we never will know.

In your thirties, you should have the confidence to go with your gut. Whilst some of the situations will be no different from when you were in your twenties, hopefully, you will have the instinct and confidence to stop speaking to someone if something doesn’t feel quite right.

The Ugly of Online Dating in your 30s 

With the swiping culture, it can be hard to develop a deeper connection with someone. Unfortunately, you are just as disposable in your thirties as you were in your twenties. Ghosting can still happen and you can still get hurt and it might be that in your thirties you have more at stake.

However, there is a lot to be said about online dating in a pandemic. As you cannot meet someone in the traditional way, you can spend more time getting to know that person on a deeper level. If they ghost you or play games you will have the time to find out, learn and move on.

With online dating, the key is not to invest too early, whatever your age. Make sure that you are talking to lots of potential suitors and that you keep your options open. A great person to learn from is Matthew Hussey, who writes, speaks and runs workshops for women about dating, finding love and self-worth.

Online dating in your thirties can be a bit of a minefield. However, all is not lost, whilst there are good, bad and ugly elements to it, the self-assurance and confidence that comes with age is your biggest asset. Go into online dating with your eyes wide open, set your boundaries and above all look after number one.

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Written by Carrie

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