Note: The following article contains discussion of sexual abuse, which some readers may find upsetting.

Holly Bourne’s latest novel captures the feminist zeitgeist of today.

Published in April, Pretending is an urgent and reflective novel portraying the challenges that women face in modern heterosexual relationships. It explores both the darker side of dating after experiencing sexual abuse, whilst also recounting the hilarious dating app scenarios that will have you laughing along in recognition. Bourne finely balances trauma and humour.  

The novel’s slogan is “why be yourself when you can be perfect?”. It’s a question that the main protagonist April grapples with as she decides to date again after experiencing sexual abuse,  reinventing herself in an attempt to bag herself a new man. Similar to Gillian Flynn’s cool girl theory in Gone Girl, April dissects every part of her personality and swaps it for a new, improved version: Gretel. 

Gretel is the dream girl that women are tired of pretending to be. 

By inventing a perfect persona, the book examines the patriarchal pressures that force women to play an abiding and performative role in heterosexual relationships. Gretel wouldn’t dream of refusing to laugh at her date’s unfunny jokes or calling out his subtle sexist remarks in front of his friends. And she definitely hasn’t experienced sexual abuse.

Bourne pens mini satirical essays throughout the novel in which she explores the bitter resentment of April through the lens of Gretel. Gretel’s mini narratives are written in a sarcastic, mocking tone; her falseness allows Bourne to dissect the superficiality of the online dating scene and brings into question whether pretending to be someone else is the solution. 

As April begins to date again after the trauma of sexual abuse, her experiment forces her to examine her own identity and whether her date is falling for her or her alter ego, Gretel. 

The essays are vital in understanding April’s state of mind. It seems that April can hide, or even depersonalise, when she is Gretel. By reinventing herself, her true identity as a victim of rape is hidden and numbed. Having experienced PTSD after her boyfriend raped her, impersonating someone else is April’s attempt to deal with the trauma that is haunting her everyday life.

Yet the book is not a simple lament towards misogyny. Bourne refuses to shy away from the complex and nuanced relationship that women have with men. In the book’s opening monologue, for example, April describes every reason she hates men in a furious, anecdotal list, but then she instantly retracts when she receives a text from her date, making her believe in love again. 

This idea of both falling in love with a man and being angry at his privilege to earn a higher salary, walk down the street safely at night and laugh ignorantly at sexist jokes captures the contemporary conundrums of heterosexual dating. It is Bourne’s willingness to explore how love and sexual politics are intertwined in heterosexual relationships that makes this text a vital read. 

And yet, the novel is hopeful and humourous. Bourne rightly depicts April’s anger towards the patriarchy whilst also recognising that there are good eggs in the world. The author coins this term to describe men that are trying to do better and learn to be allies in the feminist movement. April’s dates with new man Josh are funny and clumsy as both characters make mistakes and learn how to undo a lifetime of rigid gender role plays. 

By exploring the role of April’s date in overcoming trauma, Bourne tentatively wades into the possibility of a modern, feminist relationship. Importantly, however, she refuses to centralise April’s recovery around the need to be saved by a man. Josh is just one character who supports April, alongside an uplifting group of women attending a kickboxing class for sexual abuse victims, a therapist, a supportive flatmate and of course, April herself. 

As a post MeToo text, Pretending is a call to action. It’s an insightful read into sexual politics at a time when the world is waking up to the hidden undergrowth of once silenced abuse victims. Bourne presents an urgent reflection on what it means to be a woman balancing the desire for love with the need to combat sexism in the modern dating scene with all its nuances, falsities and hypocrisies. 

If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article, you can access guidance and support from Rape Crisis England and Wales via their website (www.rapecrisis.org.uk) or by calling the National Rape Crisis Helpline (0808 802 9999).

Written by Rosie Doyle