Reflecting on Loneliness Week; How I ‘Got Rid’ of Lonely

I began writing this article towards the end of ‘loneliness week’ (9th - 15th June), long after City Girls ‘head honcho’ Steph Clarke posted a call out for Loneliness Week themed articles and events. I mistakenly thought I had nothing to offer on the topic. Wrong. It got me thinking about some of the loneliest times I have experienced in my life, and how I got myself out of them.

Back in 2020 during the peak of covid and lockdowns, I found myself recently split up with my long-term boyfriend, my entire friendship group graduating without me and (thanks lockdown) precisely ZERO friends left in the city. I had no boyfriend, no friends and no family.

I was totally alone.

This was incredibly tough for me. I struggled for a while (quite a while), dove into my final year of university essays, got myself into a situationship from the pure depths of hell and simply… tried to deal with it all. But deep down I was lonely, depressed and miserable.

It wasn't until my long-term bestie (living on the other side of the country) suggested I download a friendship app, that I began to consider that I could grasp any kind of agency over the situation I was in. I finally began to consider that I could change my situation, my life, and cut out the loneliness I had adopted like a cancer.

And so, in the midst of lockdowns and phased ‘tiers’ of being allowed to go to the pub/ not go the pub/ go to the pub but sit-down-at-all-times, I downloaded a friendship app. It’s very odd swiping on potential friends just as you would within a dating app. I prioritised swiping right on the profiles of women that conveyed the most about themselves personally, and I thought I was likely to have the most in common with.

Disliking that a lot of women seemed to want to chat online for a longtime first (I guess like me, they were likely nervous to actually meet up in person, but it felt far too much like dating app etiquette). I desperately didn't want to spend another sunny Saturday evening indoors, and so I swiped on a girl who had a cool music taste and liked art, and asked her to go to the pub with me that very evening (it was one of those weird Tier Three moments). She agreed and we met up at the Lass o’ Gowrie in town.

We semi-awkwardly said hello and in lieu of a hug or a handshake (covid.. yawn), I suggested a ‘foot shake’, yes.. we tried to ‘shake feet’ from the social distance of an extended trainer - to - trainer ‘hand’ shake. We both cracked up, clearly both having the same stupid sense of humour.

From then on, the rest is history. She quickly became my closest friend. While we sadly no longer live in the same city, we still manage to meet regularly. She’s always been there for me, never judged me (even with that hell-hole situationship at the start), and always been a hell of a lot of fun (thanks mate, I appreciate ya).

However, if I hadn't have made that terrifying initial leap in order to change the situation I was in, I am sure my life would look very different now. It was so incredibly daunting. Meeting new friends as an adult is no mean feat, and when you're in the rut of loneliness it becomes easier to just deal with your situation rather than change it.

But, fighting the fear is so worth it. If I hadn't have made that leap and met Ceylin, I wouldn't have been led to make the host of other social connections and friendships I have made since then. While most of these people no longer live in Manchester, they are friends for life. I am so thankful for that.

Its important to note that this is not to say that that one day I made a decision to not be lonely any more and bam! that was it, everything was now sunshine and roses. It wasn’t. I’d made plenty of previous attempts at ‘changing my life’ or cutting out the loneliness that failed, miserably.

I love art, but really struggle with motivation (see my previous article on ‘5 Ways to Stay Creative When Your Day Job Isn’t’) and so when I found a ‘Drink and Draw’ art class, I thought it would be a brilliant casual way to be social, make art, and potentially make some friends I have a common interest with.

I was in a particularly lonely place at the time and it took a tremendous amount of courage to attend this class alone. I went, telling myself it would be fine - ‘all you're going to do is do a little bit of drawing and have a chat with some new people over a pint’. It turned out it wasn't really fine.

Everyone else had attended in groups, weren't really interested in speaking and were generally a bit hostile (this was long before I found out about Manchester Girl events of course). I knew these people owed me nothing - they're literally just attending a pub art class with their mates - but after putting in so much effort to fight my fears, this was a huge knock to me.

I mention this, because the road out of loneliness is not easy, there will be times where you finally make an effort to change your situation and you are knocked back down. I want you to keep going, to keep pushing to get yourself out there and be social, because one day it really will be worth it.

Plus, I know for a fact that Manchester City Girl’s events are a hell of a lot more warm and friendly than that art class!

If it wasn't for lockdown I probably wouldn't have bothered reaching out on that friendship app, but boy, I should've done it sooner. And heck, if I had I known about City Girl sooner, I sure as hell should've joined some groups.

If you ever feel scared to reach out and make some friends, please don't be, everyone else on that app or at those City Girl events are there for exactly the same reason as you - to be social, to feed and provide that pure and joyous feminine friendship and connection. There is nothing shameful about being lonely, and there is nothing shameful about trying to change that either.

Written by Eleanor Crowe, ‘Photography’ by Ellie and Ceylin

Instagram: @ellieecrowe

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/elorrellcrowe