Abortion, My Story
Note: The following article contains discussion of abortion, which some readers may find upsetting.
When I saw the positive results on the pregnancy test I was so shocked that I did not want to believe it was true. I kept telling myself that it was a mistake, that it was not happening to me, because how could it? I was the responsible girl who had it all figured out. I took a total of 13 tests and decided to surrender to the clear blue test that stated I was 8 weeks pregnant.
I remember when I was 12 years old and my girlfriends and I talked about what we would do in the case of an unwanted pregnancy. I was always the first one to say that if the test was positive, the day after I would be in an abortion clinic.
Easier said than done. Pregnancy is one of those things that you cannot properly understand until you are in that situation. The moment I realised something was growing within me I felt a rush of love and adrenaline. I felt like I had to protect that life that was silently starting.
Even though I am aware that a child is not truly developed and cannot even be considered one when it is only a few weeks old, for me, all of a sudden it was so real. The idea of an abortion scared me more than keeping the baby.
My family was not very supportive of me as they thought a child at 19 would have destroyed my life, but deep down I kept asking myself if they were more worried for me or for their life? Was the baby inconvenient for them? They kept suggesting an abortion, but it felt mandatory.
I was left with little choice: keeping the baby but doing it fully unsupported or having an abortion and a second chance at life. I chose the latter.
I would be lying if I said that it was an easy decision, it was the most heartbreaking choice I have ever had to make. In hindsight, I owe that child my life. I truly did have a second chance at life.
I cherish that choice because now I am sure I want to be a mother one day, and I work every day towards that goal, to make sure I will be ready to welcome my child into this life.
If you are in a similar situation and you feel like you are a monster, or that you will be punished for your actions, I just want to say that whatever you are feeling is normal. No one is ever going to punish you for choosing yourself.
In a letter to my unborn child, I said I gave him and me the best shot. I could not have provided a healthy life for him and I was not ready to be a mother for someone else when I was still learning to mother myself.
Ultimately, if you are lucky enough to have a choice, remember that even though ‘your body, your choice’ on a protest banner seems easy compared to actually having to make a real life decision, you own your life. You are the only one who knows what is best for you, and you should always choose accordingly.
If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article, you can contact the Marie Stopes charity through their national helpline on 0345 300 8090 to discuss your options and receive free, confidential guidance.
Written by Cloe Grampa
