Women Aren’t Allowed to be Sick: The Issue of Dismissive and Stereotypical Comments in Healthcare
Dismissive and gender based comments are something I have personally encountered when trying to seek medical help. The healthcare industry can be incredibly difficult to navigate for women, especially when trying to explain invisible illnesses, or symptoms that are often explained away. Women are allowed to be legitimately sick, something that needs wider recognition.
My medical experiences in the last few years have been centred around two things - mental health and physical symptoms that all point in the direction of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (or PoTS for short). PoTS is complex and different for everyone, but the symptoms I deal with are dizziness, fatigue, tachycardia, fainting, and lack of temperature control, to name a few. The reason I’m explaining this is because these symptoms, along with my anxiety and depression, seem to be difficult to ‘prove’ to a doctor - because they are invisible.
A lot of the feedback I have had over the years has been incredibly problematic:
“Are you sure this isn’t in your head? Do you just get nervous? But it’s controllable isn’t it, so it can’t affect you too much?”
These made trying to get help so much harder. The one that stuck in my head was when I was explaining how my anxiety led me to be sick a lot to a doctor, and they said:
“Show me a young girl who doesn’t (throw up)”.
It was infuriating, and it still is. To be so grossly dismissed, belittled and made to feel so small was a horrible experience, especially when it was around such a sensitive topic for me. Women put a huge amount of trust in medical professionals they choose to seek help from, and a response like this can do so much irreparable damage. It could ultimately have such a large effect that it could deter women from getting treatment.
It’s that comment that has stuck with me most. While it is true that issues with being sick, for whatever reason, are increasingly seen in young girls, the fact that this was used as if it was some popular trend was horrifying. I felt swept under the rug, and like I’d been turned into a number, instead of being treated as a person trying to get help.
It also hurt to think that someone in a position of trust was openly talking that way about this symptom to young women who needed help. Did this mean other young women presenting this symptom weren’t getting correct support either?
The problem is that if these symptoms weren’t dismissed as being “made up”, “in my head”, or just “a young woman having funny turns”, the diagnosis would be a lot quicker. To me, this issue seems to resonate with an age old idea of women being overly sensitive and prone to getting a bit hysterical.
As archaic a view as it is, it’s still about in many arenas, medical or otherwise (and of course we’re too emotional to be president). It begs the question, what would my experiences be like if I was a man?
I have no doubt that men with my symptoms find it difficult to get diagnosed officially. The average PoTS diagnosis takes four to six years. But would the same comments, and therefore the same effort and stress of going to the doctor be present? I know women who feel they have to prepare themselves to go to the doctor, to convince them, and ‘present their case’ for fear of being dismissed or overlooked. If these symptoms were treated at face value, the whole process of referrals and diagnostics would be smoother for everyone involved.
A 2016 article that considered the influence of gender in patients seeking medical help reports that women visit their doctor far more regularly than men - for issues of physical and mental health. Going to the doctors frequently might lead women to worry that they are going too much, or are being overzealous, and therefore have to psych themselves up to go.
But why should that be an issue? Apart from the extreme of wasting NHS resources, surely being conscious of your health, state of mind, and your body’s behaviour is to be encouraged, not negated. But comments like, “it’s probably nothing”, “it’s because you’re tired” or “it’s all in your head” completely disregard the positives of being open about your difficulties.
Given the length of time it takes to be diagnosed, it requires determination to get to the treatment and get a label for the symptoms. This determination however, is sometimes twisted into being naggy, annoying, relentless, or overly worried about your health. It doesn’t take much for this mindset to therefore dismiss symptoms like mine were. To be told that something you feel concerned about is somehow your fault, or even used as a way of typecasting women as being the only sufferers is incredibly damaging.
It gives women an incredibly negative association of seeking help for their wellbeing. I’m sure men come up against the same issues, from doctors who are stuck in a backward world of ‘fresh air and manning up’ will help you. It’s incredibly challenging still for men, especially in terms of discussing mental health.
Another problem with feedback on the symptoms I’ve been talking about is that I’ve been told I look well, or healthy, and that I don’t look like someone who needs a certain type of help. These comments are frequently used both to people with chronic illnesses and mental health patients, to name a few.
PoTS is classed as an invisible illness, because at first glance you don’t see the symptoms, unless they’re about to keel over from their blood pressure dropping. But the reality is that it is life altering, and affects every decision I make every day.
My advice to anyone struggling to be taken seriously is be persistent, or ‘naggy’. Trust your gut, and ‘be neurotic’. Fight to see different doctors until you see someone who treats you well, and push to get the referrals you need.
It’s exhausting, especially in a long term pattern of appointments, or for mental health related issues, but it’s worth the push. Take breaks off it, as it can burn you out, but at the end of the day you know when something isn’t right.
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Written by: Catherine Peet
