First Date Sex. ‘No way’ or ‘in every way’?
First of all, let’s start by saying that there is nothing wrong with having sex on the first date or one night stands. As lockdown eases and we are all craving human contact, the idea of getting it on during that first date may sound very appealing. But is sex on a first date a ‘no way!’ or ‘in every way’?
From my personal experience, I would say that having sex on the first date doesn’t determine the rest of the relationship. So there are no rules, no ‘one size fits all’ answers and of course, no judgement.
But is having sex on the first date what you really want to do? Let me ask some questions first…
What does sex mean to you?
What is the emotion you feel when thinking about sex?
What is driving you to have sex on the first date?
Do you permit yourself to be fully involved - physically, emotionally and spiritually?
There is one thing that all human beings desire - connection. We want to be seen, to be understood, to be heard, and a way of getting all of this is through sex. It is the thoughts behind ultimately making that decision of when to have sex that determines the quality of our experience.
Gourmet Sex vs Junk Sex
First, I would like you to ask yourself this: do you want something deeper and more emotional, something that will expand and help you grow, or do you want something quick, often potentially superficial?
Superficial sex is not bad, it is a choice based on your current physical and emotional needs. (I repeat, superficial sex is totally OK.) We should just have awareness of our actions. Give yourself time to get to know the other person, keep your standards high and do not compromise. Take what you want, not just what is easily given.
Think of it this way - do you prefer ‘junk sex’ or ‘gourmet sex’? Junk food can be delicious, easy to obtain and great in moderation. Have yourself a gourmet dish and you understand why these meals can get expensive. If you are having ‘gourmet sex’, you are treating yourself with an almost emotional luxury, getting naked physically, emotionally and spiritually.
In Orgasms and In love, take your time
Having sex, having an orgasm and making love can be three different things, but they can blend into one, once you have created history with that person.
Once you have given yourselves time to discover your likes and dislikes, your minds, your beings and your habits. Give yourself a more holistic view of your partner before you decide to share yourself sexually with him/her and potentially create something even more intimate and long-lasting.
Again, there is nothing wrong with first date sex or one night stands, but if it’s the only sex you have, you are missing something special. You may miss something that your soul is yearning for, and that’s a true and deep connection.
Of course, it is scary to be that vulnerable, to open ourselves enough to be completely seen, physically and emotionally, to show our flaws, our fears, our pains, but that’s the moment we liberate ourselves sexually.
Although it is much easier to ‘play safe’, leaving our emotions and our insecurities away and having pure physical sex, is this what you really want?
We live in an era when ‘junk sex’ is too available, while a deep connection is a rare thing. And not because it is hard to find, but because we decide not to find it, we decide to go for the fast gratification. At the same time, it is in our hands to make a different decision and choose personal growth, deep connection, and making love.
Explore your partner slowly, take your time, don’t act from a place of time scarcity. Be bold and confident that you won’t lose him/her if you wait. Give him/her some challenge. Wait for both of you to become closer and you will create more passion before you finally connect your bodies.
Search for connection in a way that is aligned with your truth.
No sex is worth more than your emotional balance
If you just want prime sex? Go for it with the awareness of what you are doing and what you expect from that.
Do you want something deeper that involves your emotional self? Again, go for it. Listen to what your soul is asking for and welcome it into your life.
Finally, sex for our emotions is like food for our body. Yes, you may have to train, have discipline and abstain from unhealthy food, but the results are more than rewarding!
And sometimes you may crave McDonalds, but what would you choose if the gourmet food was an option as well? What if you could always emotionally afford expensive gourmet restaurants?
My personal answer to the initial question should you have sex on a first date or a one night stand? Well, I prefer a healthy, balanced and happy emotional life - so no.
Your answer: I think your heart has already told you. Listen carefully!
I would love to know your opinion on the topic in the comments below, do you agree or disagree?
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Written by Natalia Alexandridou,
