5 Things We Should Stop Saying to Each Other (To Boost Our Self Esteem)
Words hold such power. And it is so easy to forget that!
How many times can you think of where you have been having such a good day, and one comment can throw you off kilter and into the pit of anxiety and low self esteem?
Things that have been said to me in the past still live on in the darkest depths of my brain and even though I should let them go, I carry those sentences said on a whim around with me, affecting what I wear, or how I style my hair or even the things I say and do.
Usually the people who say these things aren't being malicious; they just don't think their words can have such an impact. Sometimes they can even mean to say them as a compliment! But no matter their intention, they can live on in our minds for years after they are uttered.
So let's make a deal together… let’s stop saying the following:
Unsplash: Priscilla Du Preez
‘You Look Tired’
One - If you are tired, you will definitely know about it and won't be in need of a reminder.
Two - If you looked in the mirror that morning feeling fresh, these three little words can kick you right back down into the self conscious zone! If you are worried that someone is looking tired, maybe try asking ‘ How are you ?’instead. If tired is the answer, they will soon tell you themselves.
‘When are you going to….’
Settle down? Get married? Have children? Actually let’s just stop saying anything that holds so much expectation! Constantly, we are flippantly asked these types of ‘big life’ questions by members of our family, our friends and even random people we barely know.
There is literally no way of knowing what another person is going through and to put extra expectations on each other will only make us think that we are missing something. Or that achievements have deadlines and we are lesser humans for not hitting these life goals.
How other people are living their lives is none of your business, so wait until they divulge this information instead of making people feel they need to achieve. That way, we will stop making people feel ‘less than’ if they haven’t got a partner/ have a ring on their finger/ a baby on the way (Delete where applicable).
Unsplash: Chris Barbalis
‘Have You Lost/ Put On Weight?’
Yes people actually ask this…right to other people’s faces!?! How is it anyone’s business what dress size you are or if you’ve put on a few extra pounds! Who cares? If we continue to comment on a person’s physical being, we will continue to put value on unrealistic beauty standards and expectations onto our bodies not changing one bit throughout our entire lives!
People’s weight fluctuates for so many reasons. Their emotions, their hormones, they are having a baby, they ate a big lunch! And commenting on it will only either make people think they need to lose weight or make them think that if they dare put on one pound, they have less value! Also talking about weight is BORING! So just stop, ok?
Instead of using someone’s weight as a way to compliment, maybe try saying something about them “ You are so kind and thoughtful” or something about their style “I love your dress”.
‘Ooh… Time Of The Month Is It?’
This one really gets me! It is a tiny, tiny sentence that very quickly makes your feelings invalid! Usually muttered after a tear starts to fall or a rage has just passed, saying this automatically takes the focus away from what the person is actually feeling and turns it into ‘They are only feeling that because of their hormones, so just ignore it!’
Saying this over and over to a person will eventually make them suppress what they are feeling and will ultimately cause communication issues within your relationship. I mean, who would want to bare all and tell you how they are feeling when it just gets turned into ‘this is only happening because she's bleeding?!’
If someone is acting differently to how they normally would, maybe make them a cuppa and take some time to ask them if they are ok and if anything is going on? It might be something massive, or something they need to talk through with a trusted person… or it might be that they are on their period.*
*Note - I can confirm that sometimes I do have a cry at something ridiculous or feel super irritable over not much and this is probably because I am on my period… but it’s only ok when I point it out myself!
Unsplash: Hannah Busing
‘Cheer Up!’
‘Oh I was feeling really down and deflated and I totally didn't think that I could just cheer up! Thanks so much for your input!’
I’ve said it before… (literally about 400 words before)… there is no way of knowing what a person is going through. So just telling a person to cheer up is not giving them a solution!
Having someone ask you to cheer up can have the opposite effect. If they aren't feeling their best, it makes them think ‘I wish I could’ or ‘if it was only that simple’., If they are feeling ok, it will only make them panic about their ‘resting bitch face’. Instead of assuming how someone is feeling, just ask them! They will appreciate it a lot more!
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Written By Elle Douglas
