2020 has been a strange one! Who could have predicted as we saw in the new year that face masks would be part of our daily outfits, that we would constantly be trying to measure two metres and that we couldn’t hug anyone that we didn’t live with? Usually, at this time of year, I start to reflect upon the things I have achieved in the past 365 days...

The difference of this past year has made me reflect differently.

Instead of thinking about what I’ve done, it’s made me think about who I am (maybe that comes with turning 30 this year too.) 2020 has been the year we have had the most time to think about ourselves, and here’s what I’ve learned about myself whilst riding the 2020 COVID rollercoaster.

I’M A PEOPLE PERSON

I have always been a social person, but after a big party or a booze-up, I needed to have alone time to balance it out. I have never really been lost in my own company. But this year has taught me how important seeing people is to me. It flares my creativity, teaches me a lot and brings me so much joy. People are truly amazing, and I like to socialise with as many as possible!

I CAN’T RELAX

When the first lockdown hit, everyone kept saying how nice it was to have more time. More time to series binge on Netflix and read the books that have been sat on shelves for years, longing to be thumbed through. But sitting down for hours is not for me. I have to be doing something, achieving something, working towards something.

I am aware this isn’t the healthiest lesson. Relaxing and self-care is so important. But my self-care does not come from recuperation. It comes from ticking things off my to-do list and giving myself little high fives. To combat this, my hobbies adapted to puzzles and embroidery; some might say that’s sad for a 30-year-old, but I say I’ll be one to watch when I’m in a care home!

SCREENS AREN’T FOR ME

We are so lucky that this year we have been able to connect with others we couldn’t see through the power of technology. But screen fatigue was heavy in my 2020. As soon as 5.30 pm rolled around after being on a computer all day, the last thing I wanted or needed was a Zoom quiz!

Home-working made me speak out less in meetings. Sitting behind a screen all day made me feel deflated and unmotivated. Yes, 2020 has taught me so many new technological skills, but I still like to see the whites of people’s eyes when I’m talking to them, not the glare of a screen and just their torso and sometimes questionable decor.

I’M A CONTROL FREAK

Anyone who needs to be in control will be aware of it. It doesn’t take a pandemic to let you know how much you like to be in control of a situation. But on the other hand, it does bring it to the forefront of your mind. When the choice of where I could go, what I could do and who I could see was taken out of my hands, control started to show in the weirdest of places.

My control bug was fed by small things like what I ate, and when. How the cushions were on my sofa (I needed to have them at just the right angle) and I’d give Mrs Hinch a run for her money in a sink shining competition these days. I’ve always been neat, but 2020 took it to the next level, and I really had to check myself daily so I wouldn’t get too out of control in the need to be in control.

I NEED TO EXERCISE

Exercise has always been something I did. I was a ‘three gym classes a week’ kinda girl. But the exercise was something I thought I should do, just to stay healthy, and to not feel so guilty about treats in the week! 2020 has made me realise it is something I NEED to do.

Running is the place where I think things through and come up with ideas for projects, yoga is how I relax and regroup and HIIT classes on Youtube are how I get my anger or frustrations out about annoyances at work, or not being able to see my friends and family.

2020 is a year we will be quick to put behind us, but not one we will forget. We can see the light for change on the horizon, and I hope the biggest change in me will be how much I appreciate my life. I will never take hugging my gran, going on holiday or going out for dinner for granted again.

2020, it’s not been a pleasure, but it sure has taught me a lot.

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Written by Elle Douglas

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