Personal Stories: We Can Endure More Than We Ever Think We Can
A story about surviving personal trauma during a global crisis.
Over the last months, we have, worldwide, gone through the same huge trauma. But while politicians utter the classic mantra of ‘we’re all in this together,’ I totally disagree. We each have our own, unique life experience outside of this pandemic, and some people may be finding themselves coping with situations they never even dreamed possible.
How many times, whilst enjoying a Friday night natter with friends, have you yourself said ‘Oh I could never do that’ in response to some seemingly impossible situation or achievement they’re relaying? ‘I could never run a marathon’, ‘I could never put up with that boss or this type of relative.’
When I was 16, I started at a specialist college which meant a 2 hour commute each way; standing on icy train platforms, battling suit-wearing grownups for a seat, clutching a steaming cup of tea. I have often looked back on that time and wonder how I got that 7am train each day. ‘Oh I could never do that now, I love my bed too much.’
But the reality is, and something I have realised more with age, if I suddenly had to, I just would. You see, we are fantastic as a species at underrating our abilities, our levels of resilience and our adaptability.
I am currently in lockdown in the house I own with my husband. We separated just before the announcement; it was a huge shock and life rupture for both of us. We were the perfect couple, once even essentially let go from a relationship counsellor for being ‘too good’ at our relationship to need any help.
Ten years of life together is hard to untangle and heal from, and, in any other circumstances, we would now be trying to move on practically and rebuild and re-learn some new version of life, and whether we can bear that life to still include each other.
Instead, we are literally cooped up together 24/7, and all the normal ways people may use to cope with this sort of grief (work, shopping, friends, numerous Friday night shots) have been cruelly and suddenly stripped away
On top of this, there is a world-wide disaster, which is bringing fear, financial and job insecurity and worry about loved ones. And I’m still giving myself hell for not smashing my to do list, doing 50 workouts a day and eating all organic homemade meals.
Even I wouldn’t believe it if it wasn’t happening to me. The best science fiction writers couldn’t write it.
It was C.S Lewis who said, “low points in life…teach us lessons we could not learn any other way.” Throughout history, we are shown time and time again the resilience of the human condition; of people who have endured horrific life experiences and often gone on to achieve amazing things.
Humanitarians who have seen catastrophic war scenes, athletes who have powered to the finish line after finding a second wind, just when they thought they couldn’t go on, famous scientists and writers who were written off at primary school as good for nothing. What makes these people so special, so different from us? Absolutely nothing.
I’m not saying you need to write a masterpiece, or change the world, or lose 5 stone - sometimes just brushing your teeth and putting on clean pants is enough. There have been times in the last 3 months where I have been choked with tears, physically shaking, screaming and unbelievably angry. Sometimes all before 10 am.
And other days, well, I’ve been sort of OK.
The point I’m trying to make is, whatever you’re dealing with right now that is unique - whether it’s the unbelievable task of home-schooling children, sickness, losing work, or a less than ideal home situation – I’m fairly certain that at some point, if someone had described this situation to you, you wouldn’t have thought you could cope.
Yet here you are, in all your you-ness, powering through. Minute by minute (because days can just be way too intimidating sometimes). And if there are times where you really do feel like you need extra support, please do reach out to a loved one or a trained professional.
Lastly, I implore you to be sensitive to others. Yes, we are all in this together, but the friend who is furloughed doesn’t necessarily want to hear how lucky they are because you still have to work, or the person in lockdown alone and missing their partner might not be the one you complain to about being on a 9 week long date with your spouse.
Hold on. Take a breath. You can cope, because look – you are already doing it.
Written by Anonymous
